The ABC's of BDSM
By Dama deNoche
Have you ever looked at a crop and wondered what you could do with it that did not involve a horse? How about rope; what do you do with beautiful, soft rope or rope that is rough and tough? When your partner tells you "hurt me", do you get turned on? This book gives you a place to start answering those questions and others.
This book is not a be all and end all of how to do things. Instead, it is meant to give you an idea of where you can start and what you need to get started. How to make things a bit safer, as what we do can be--and usually is--dangerous. The danger is what turns many of us on: the ability to tiptoe on that edge of sanity and danger without causing harm is erotic and just fun. This book gives you a place to start so that you know what questions to ask.
This will also give you the understanding that you are not alone in your desire for what you need. You are not sick, just different. Your drummer is now our drummer and we march in the same basic direction.
Welcome to the kinky universe we have been living in for a while. Explore safely and enjoy.
A common theme throughout this book on the BDSM lifestyle is preparation. Performing acts within the Lifestyle and in play need to be done carefully and skillfully.
When you are talking about any of the subjects covered here, you are treading on actions and acts that have the potential to do both temporary and permanent harm to the one receiving them. In an extreme case it can cause death, depending on what has been done.
The ABCs of BDSM offers a safer way to approach a lifestyle that is filled with both eroticism and tension and risk.
For those within the Lifestyle, you hear the terms SSC, RACK, and now PRICK mentioned all the time. SSC stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. PRICK is Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink. Most of us fit under those three terms or terms like it somewhere, and the information offered in this book is an attempt to make play or starting play within the Lifestyle a bit safer for all.
The one thing that is important that is not covered by any set of initials or cute sayings is to use common sense. If something looks like it is not a good idea, then step back and take a second look at it. Many types of play under the BDSM umbrella may seem great as a fantasy, but when looked at in the light of reality becomes too dangerous to try.
Whatís detailed in this reference guide is NOT the only way to do things, just a way that has been found to be safer and sane for me and mine, and others as well. This guide is meant to enlighten those curious about BDSM of the risks of their chosen behavior and play. Knowing the risks allows one to make informed decisions on actions that can change their lives forever if the worst case happens and they become injured.
This is a collection and description of the basic forms of play and relationships that BDSM people enjoy. BDSM is being used as an umbrella term to cover WIITWD (What It Is That We Do) and is not exclusive of any lifestyle.
It is recommended and encouraged that any type of play listed here be done only after the person giving the play has been given hands-on instructions by someone recognized and known in their Lifestyle community to have the skill level to teach others the techniques needed to do any of the disciplines safely.
People, this is where I say DO NOT DO THESE THINGS AT HOME ALONE FOR THE FIRST TIME. Get someone to teach you the safer way to do the acts you would like to try.
I am sure that as soon as this is published, someone will point out that I forgot one or another type of play. I do not claim to know every type of kink out there. This is just a primer or jumping off place for safer play for someone new or curious.
Everything we do within the BDSM lifestyle has the potential risk of doing both temporary damage and permanent damage to the body. Get a reputable teacher to show you hands-on one on one how to do these things.
How do you know if someone is reputable? You ask. Question your peers as to their skill level. Donít just ask one person; ask several. A skilled teacher will have no problems giving you references.
Watch them in action. See how the one receiving the play acts and ask them later if they also see this person as skilled. If you are the Dominant half of the power exchange, ask a person from the other half of the power exchange to help you by learning from them and their reactions to the play.
Some of the best teachers of play actions are the ones you will be enjoying later when you have learned what it is you want to do.
Finally, HAVE FUN. Learning is important but so is enjoying what you are doing.
I have learned that I can advise people and warn people until I am blue in the face. My hope is that this book will be a starting place for someone seeking knowledge to ask the next question and acquiring the right answer.
One last thing: I am going to use generic terms when speaking about bodies, actions, and reactions. I cannot take the space to make sure that I list every personís sexual identity or sexual preference in each sentence. Please put yourself or your partner in the place where you fit in whatever gender identity you have. I am not excluding anyone from this list simply because I have not mentioned them specifically.
Before you play with anyone you do not know well, look at the end of this guide and use the safety questions listed there so you know the risks you may encounter. Check out the health questions and have a minimal first aid kit as accidents do happen. That is why they are called accidents. If you are prepared for them, they are less traumatic for everyone.
Last, but not least, get CPR certified. It does not cost much and may save a life someday.